Alfa Male

Posted on Apr 5, 2022 in Antique | Comments Off on Alfa Male

[On the Alfa Romeo Brera] “Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?”

I have always been an Alpha Male. I have always been the one that needs to be in control, the center of attention, and the source for all knowledge. But I am also determined to be an Alfa Male in the gearhead sense. I believe Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear, when he said “You can’t be a true Petrol head, until you’ve owned an Alfa.”

1967 Alfa Romeo Tipo 33 Stradale; top car design rating and specifications

Owning an Alfa is something I have yet to do, but I scan eBay motors like a demon each week searching for a car destined to drive me to the brink of suicide. It is something I have to do, not because Mr. Clarkson said so, but because there is something in my soul that continues to scream “You are a poser unless you own an Alfa.” Sometimes, medication helps.

Alfa Romeo 4C

Alfa Romeo 155

Another of my favorite Clarkson quotes about Alfa is this piece he wrote in 2008. He states “However…I have argued many times that owning an Alfa is a portal through with all petrol heads must pass if they genuinely want to know what it is that differentiates a car from a toaster or a washing machine.” “Because Alfa’s have flaws, they feel human, as if they have a soul and a temper. Each one is like the tortured hero of a Russian novel, a car of extraordinary depths, a car you can never truly fathom, especially when it is four in the morning and it is enveloped in a cloud of steam, yet again, on the North Circular.” “They are like cocaine. The unimaginable highs are always matched by immense, brooding lows. A Massive electrical storm that inevitably follows a glorious sultry evening.”

Alfa Romeo 1750 Berline

Alfa Romeo 8C 2900 B Corto Touring Berlinetta

My search for an Alfa has been limited in the past, mostly to older Quadrifoglios and Alfetta GTs that are found in the dark and lonely sections of Craigslist. There was a time when I could have picked up a decent GTV for very little money, but now the value has increased to the price of a new car. The GTV is a beautiful car, but I have always been drawn to the sedans, like the Guilia. These are the cars of “The Italian Job” and probably the coolest and most European looking sedans ever sold. On occasion, I find the remains of a battered 164 sedan, that still looks modern. The price is always good, but that little voice in my head is always telling me that it is being sold for a reason…a reason that I don’t want to find out about. There is one Alfa that seems to always be for sale, usually at an outrageous cost, and always available only in Canada…the Montreal. This is the Alfa version of a BMW M1. The car is beautifully styled, and instantly recognizable with its lazy eyes and vertical vents that remind me of a tribal tattoo. This is the Alfa to own, but the cost is always out of reach.

Alfa Romeo 2600 Spyder

Alfa Romeo Giulia TZ2

There is new hope though. Alfa is supposedly back in the U.S., though I have never seen a single car or dealer. Rumor is that they are selling the Alfa 4C, a car that is stunning, light, cutting edge, and tragically overpriced. Though I would love to own one, the idea of spending 75,000.00 on a car that potentially is as reliable as a used Jaguar XJS is utter nonsense. Also, though the car is stunning in photos, there is something terribly wrong with the proportions. It looks short and stubby. Basically, the 4C is the automotive equivalent of Cameron Diaz…stunning from almost every angle, but 50% of her photos look like her face was hit by a truck.

Alfa Romeo Sprint Speciale

Alfa Romeo Montreal

My new hope is the Giulia, arriving here in 2017. The Giulia is again, stunning. It has all the traditional Alfa design cues, including the V shaped grille. While it looks Italian, it is not quite as sexy as I expected, looking very similar to a pouty Jaguar XF. The sound is very Jaguar also, almost as shouty as the new F-Type. The top of the line model is expected to be a twin turbo 503hp V6, with a price tag of over 75,000.00. There will be lesser models, with lesser prices, but I suppose that if you are selling your soul to the devil, you probably should go all the way.

Alfa Romeo 6C 2300

Alfa Romeo BAT Cars (Concept)

That said, I have decided to feature some of Alfa Romeo’s most beautiful creations. Many of these cars are unobtainable by mere mortals, and some are just average throw away heaps. Regardless of their stature, they are all still desirable, because they are all still Alfas.

Alfa Romeo 8C