You Get One Guess As To Where ‘TEXAS EDITION’ Badges Come From — And I’m Going To Give You One Of Them

Posted on Feb 21, 2017 in Editorials | 1 comment

If loving Texas is Rong, I don’t want to be right. I’m referring, of course, to my pal Blake Z. Rong, who currently lives in, and sort of loves, the Lone Star State.

One of the best (or worst) parts of living in Texas is the unhealthy codependency between the people who live there and the trucks they can barely afford and never use for trucky things but insist on owning anyway. The bond between Texans and their ridiculously-appointed Cowboy Cadillacs is so strong that all of the full-size purveyors offer a Texas-focused variant that slathers bling and chrome on an otherwise affordable half-ton.

We’re talking RAM BigHorn, Nissan Texas Titan, GMC Sierra Texas Value SLE, Tundra Texas Edition, and, of course, the Chevrolet Silverado Texas Edition. If you are in Texas, and your Silverado is not a Texas Edition … well, I don’t know what to say other than that you clearly have no sense of decency. But fear not. Thanks to the aforementioned Mr. Rong, I’m here to make it right. Ten lucky TTAC readers are going to have a chance to upgrade their rides to a TEXAS EDITION, at my cost. Is there a catch? Of course there is!

Blake clued me into the fact that “OEM MADE IN USA TEXAS EDITION BADGES” are available from Chinese vendors for as little as $2.81 each. Interestingly enough, I can’t find actual USA-made TEXAS EDITION badges anywhere. Not that it would be a huge surprise if GM had the badges made in China; after all, the wheels on the C6 Z06 and the new C7 Stingray are Chinese-made. So I reached out to China and got me some. Let’s do an unboxing, because that’s a big thing nowadays among people whose primary exposure to the human vagina comes from Reddit Gone Wild Plus Size:

Here’s the box, shipped to me from somewhere deep in the interior of China in just seventeen days.

And here’s the box. When I opened it, I half expected to find a note saying “HELP I’M BEING HELD IN ROPE BONDAGE BY SOME CREEPY OLD GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE HITLER” but that was not, in fact, the case.

Ladies (yeah, right) and gentlemen, this is the kind of real Texas pride that can only come from Guangdong (formerly known as Canton, you racists) where the trucks are as tall as the sky.

And here they are: all the TEXAS EDITION badges you can possibly handle. And I want to give them to you, dear reader. But I have literally almost three dollars into each one of them, plus shipping to your mom’s house, so I need to know that you’re going to do something awesome with whatever badge I send you. So here are the rules:

You come up with a destination for your TEXAS EDITION badge, and post it in this thread. The more ridiculous and offensive, the better.

Good ideas: your compact truck or Japanese car.

Better idea: your race car.

Even better idea: your exotic car.

A brave idea: a cop car.

Best idea of all: a video of you surreptitiously putting the thing on some dicknozzle’s new-money 458 Italia or Bentley Flying Spur.

Idea that won’t happen, no matter how much I’d fancy it: a badge stuck to your girlfriend’s impressive bare chest. (Or yours, I suppose.)

I’ll select ten “winners” and contact you to arrange delivery.

Then you’ll fulfill your promise and send a photo.

Which I will put up on this site.

The first five people to actually do what they say they’re going to do with their TEXAS EDITION badges will receive a free T-shirt commemorating our disastrous attempt to race a 450SLC without a rollcage in … Texas, of course!